


I wish that my heart was made of stone

by emilia_kaisa



Category: Karppi | Deadwind (TV)
Genre: Complicated Relationships, F/M, Hopeful, Not Beta Read, Post-Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:00:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25527076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilia_kaisa/pseuds/emilia_kaisa
Summary: She doesn't want to talk about it, she doesn't even want to think about it.
Relationships: Sofia Karppi/Sakari Nurmi
Comments: 8
Kudos: 49





	I wish that my heart was made of stone

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there I love them even more than before?? So here's a little piece about what could happed after where season 2 left us! Title from 'Diamond heart' by Alan Walker, also recommend watching [this awesome vid](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RcZlEt7AoOA) made with the song.   
> Hope joy enjoy!

She doesn't want to talk about it, she doesn't even want to think about it; but when Emil asks her about Henna, she tells him to sit on the couch and tells him the truth. Well, at least as much as she can, leaving the gruesome details aside, but she explains to him that she doesn't know when and if Henna will be back home, because she's not able to lie to him, and to herself.

He looks at her, expression perfectly blank, and when he asks is he can go to his room to play, she agrees with a silent nod, not moving an inch. She sits on the couch, feeling numb and tired, and her fingers itch to do something, call someone, ask, try, fight.

She doesn't.

It's pointless, she knows it is. She already tried, and all she got was gentle yet stern words asking her to stay out of it unless she has something to say.

She doesn't.

Karppi knows that all she can do is to just stay by Henna's sight, offer her support and compassion and money for lawyers, and hope that the drug department won't get on a trail of something bigger, something she probably wouldn't be able to help Henna with.

And then, of couse, she thinks about him.

How can she not?

The thing is, Karppi gets it. She gets why he did this, and even though she feels so betrayed it hurts, a part of her understands. If the drug department had some clues there was nothing anyone could do about it, but her heart clenches and she's mad, she's so damn mad he hasn't told her earlier, so she could...

Do what, exactly? Try to stop them? Take Henna away and hide her somewhere? It would have been her first thought, her first instinct, to help her no matter what; but now, as she stares at the slowly darkening world, she knows that it would have been foolish. She has a son who needs her, now more than ever, and she has to be a guide for him now, to show him what's right, and that there are laws and rules tha can't be broken.

He didn't even try to call her.

Does he think she hates him? She could never do that, she's not able to, her complicated foolish heart will never allow that. But what's going on inside his head, she can only guess, and she does that, throat itching as she wonders if that's why he backed off when she tried to kiss him, his expression blank and distant but something flashing through his eyes, something she still can't name.

Or maybe he's just tired of all of that. Maybe he doesn't want it, whatever it is, that delicate net they built in between each other made of quick glances and secretive smiles and those two kisses she tries not to think about.

It's too much, she thinks, and she feels so very tired her bones ache, waves of numbing pain washing through her, as if all the exhaustion of the past weeks, months, years, is finally catching up to her.

Letting out a heavy breath, she stands up and goes on a tough quest that is making Emil go to sleep.

She thought she would fall asleep easily, but she can't. It's a few minutes after midnight and she's curled on the coach with a cup of spiked hot chocolate and looking at the blinking lights flickering in the distance, ans she's wondering if he's sleeping, or awake just like her. Is he pacing around his apartment, thinking of her, of Henna, of his son.

She wants to know it so, so bad, the thought seeming to take control over her whole being.

So she does.

He picks up after two rings, and he doesn't say anything, just breaths, a little shallow, and she misses him, she missed him so much her heartache seems to overpower everything else.

"Can you come?"

A heartbeat, a hitch in his breathing, a blink of an eye.

"Yes."

He looks miserable when she opens the door for him, pale and tired to the bone, and she's helpless against the wave of soft concern rising inside her, because he's been through so much, and she knows that it's not easy to him either, by any means.

They don't talk when she guides him to sit next to her, and they don't say anything until she can't take it anymore, gaze glued to her hands.

"I understand what you did." she says, and he flinches so violently she feels it "But I can't... it's not easy, for me."

"I know."

He doesn't apologize and she doesn't expect him to. He believes that what he did was right, and Karppi can't blame him for that. She's tired and she knows he's as well, and he doesn't oppose when she guides them both to lie on their sides, her back pressed to his chest and warm, exhausted breathing against her ear. They didn't move for a while, and then he carefully draped one arm around her, his palm grazing the collar of her shirt. Her hand moves on its own to catch his, fingers linking and pressing against her cheek.

Tomorrow, they'll talk. They'll wake up and she'll make him an instant coffee, because that's the only kind she has at her apartment. But now they'll sleep, and maybe dream about how tomorrow could be kinder.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!


End file.
